I read this and had to make my own list.
1. Parents would be forced to actually take responsibility for their own children.
2. Reproduction would be reserved only for those who could pass a Common Sense test.
3. Thongs, Bikinis, and Hip-Hugger pants would not be a part of any wardrobe for anyone under 18.
4. People who held loud and obnoxious conversations on their cell phones would be required to pay a $1000 fine.
5. All apartment rentals would be offered on a “rent-to-own” plan- no strings attached.
6. The WM vs SAHM debate would be “so over”.
7. Fat people who advise other fat people to lose weight would gain even more weight.
9. “I’m the proud parent of an Honor Student” bumper stickers would be illegal.
10. Anyone who drives cars that are too big for them to handle will be forced to walk everywhere for a month.
11. Income Taxes would be a fixed 5% of your salary no matter how much you make.
12. Adults who use cutesy names for their sex organs would be barred from having sex ever again.
13. Anyone who thinks breastfeeding is disgusting or offensive would be barred from reproducing.
14. Pro-breastfeeders who tell women that if they do not breastfeed they are neglecting their babies will be cursed with low milk supply no matter what they do.
15. Airlines that lose luggage will be forced to replace wardrobes, no questions asked.
16. Anyone who abuses/mistreats children or animals will be shot.
17. Money would grow on trees.
18. Chocolate and ice cream would be 0 calories and still taste good.
19. Coffee would be $.99 a cup no matter what kind it is.
20. Mondays and Fridays would be 1/2 work days.
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January 12th, 2008 at 10:39 pm
These are all so excellent! I’m a big, BIG fan of #19, too.